By Catherine H. Knott, Ph.D.
Research shows that girls experience greater rates of depression than their male peers in middle and high school. While girls’ sense of self esteem is equal to boys during the primary school years, after age 11, their sense of self esteem, on average, slides downhill dramatically. A low sense of self esteem can negatively affect everything from school performance to the ability to make wise decisions in peer relationships. It can also cause girls to engage in self-damage including substance abuse, anorexia and bulimia, cutting and other self-destructive behaviors, and higher rates of attempted suicide.
What causes this alarming trend? According to Carol Gilligan, author of In a Different Voice, and Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia, girls after age eleven, just as they are entering puberty and after, begin to perceive both the pressure to conform to culturally-sanctioned beliefs about women as primarily in subordinate roles where it is most important to appear physically attractive to males, and the male-dominant world which requires women to be softer-spoken and less assertive. These pressures cause girls to doubt themselves, lose self-confidence, speak up less in class, and downplay their intellectual abilities.
In addition, research has shown that those with lowered social status may have damaged or lesser dendritic development on neurons, than those who are socially dominant, because of social stress (Jensen, Eric. 1998. Teaching with the Brain in Mind. Alexandria, VA: Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development: p. 53). This damage may be due to the greater stress of being constantly “one-down” in relationships. Jensen illustrates the following medical connections: “ Alan Rozanski reported in the New England Journal of Medicine that even harsh comments and sarcasm can trigger heart irregularities in patients predisposed to them (Rozanski 1998). New research reveals that threatening environments can also trigger chemical imbalances (ibid, p. 55).
In addition to serious social consequences, and potential physical consequences, the trend toward lower self-confidence as girls become socially subordinate to boys, and the subtle and not-so-subtle discrimination against girls in math and science classes from middle school through graduate school, results in lower test scores, and fewer girls and young women following careers in math and science. Unfortunately, some male leaders such as the president of Harvard University have recently made comments implying that young women have a biologically lower capacity for math and science than young men. However, studies have shown that the unequal treatment of girls and boys in all levels of school from kindergarten to graduate school, and discrimination against girls and young women seeking careers in math and science, accounts for the differences in achievement of the sexes in math and science (Barres, 2006; films and research from the American Association of University Women; Fels, 2004, Harvard Business Review).
The need for marking and honoring girls’ transitions to womanhood is especially important in the current age of “lookism” and sexism ( Pipher, 1995). As girls’ bodies change for the biological possibility of reproduction, they may gain weight, acquire noticeable breasts, and wider hips, as well as suffering from the pan adolescent problems of acne and mood swings. Pipher notes that whereas girls in her generation had to deal with wolf whistles and comments, girls in the 90’s and later suffer actual sexual harassment, groping, and explicitly sexual comments at school. They are at risk for date rape at ages as young as 12 and 13. Girls who look pretty by current standards, or who have larger than average breast size may be targeted for groping and unwanted sexual advances; girls who are plain, overweight, or small-breasted and/or androgynous in looks may be teased or shunned by other boys and girls. The popular media from MTV to television commercials, movies, videos and DVD’s, and magazines (even those on grocery store racks) all frequently display women as bodies and sexual objects rather than as human beings with a full range of emotional capacity and intellectual ability. Song lyrics reinforce messages to young women of the importance of being sexually attractive and available, and to young men of being sexually aggressive, dominant, and even violent towards women. The messages to girls that they are to be considered as bodies and objects first and foremost, present serious barriers to the successful development of young women. Paradoxically, sometimes the brightest young women, often the ones who had high grades and were involved in many activities in elementary school, are most at risk as they may be most aware of the negative messages about women (Pipher, 1994).
Teenage girls may become angry or depressed studying U.S. government and history as they realize the facts of consistently lower female representation in the House of Representatives, the Senate, and the Supreme Court, and the fact that no woman has ever been elected President or Vice-President of the United States. Their perception of themselves as part of a group often treated as second class citizens in the worlds of politics, high finance, and power, and particularly as a group that has only been able to vote since 1920, after women protesters went on hunger strikes and were force-fed in prison, can result in anger and disbelief, or in repression of feelings, submission to the rules of popular culture, and a refusal to acknowledge that these issues of fairness and justice are important for their well-being. These subjects become particularly confusing because the message voiced to girls through the media and in school is that they have complete equality with boys, and that women can be anything they want to be, and achieve equally with men. When perceived as reality rather than well-intentioned encouragement, it creates confusion for girls and boys; it is a message similar to the denial of the existence of racism for people of color.
What Can Parents Do?
Here are three possible areas in which parents can make a significant difference to support their daughters as they move into young womanhood.
1. Activism
Activism to change the climate at the middle school and high school may be a positive goal for parents but can backfire for girl students, who are often subjected to peer pressure and scorn for trying to be different, or even trying to speak up about these issues.
Nevertheless, parents can speak privately to the principal, vice-principal, and school counselors about these issues. They can raise concerns with teachers of specific classes where students may be making unwanted comments or advances, or where teachers pay more attention to boys than to girls. Getting involved with local Parent-Teacher Associations and voicing concerns will help other parents become aware and perhaps talk to their own children about these issues in the school. Increased numbers of hall monitors, a greater presence of activist parent volunteers, a greater awareness on the part of school personnel, and a strict disciplinary code to deal with harassment can all help to cut down on unwanted sexual harassment. All activism should involve open discussions with teenage daughters to elicit the real problems, and their suggestions for ways to solve them that are most effective and comfortable for the girls.
2. Talking Openly about “Lookism” and Sexism
While it is impossible to change an entire culture quickly, even within the current generation, talking openly about our concerns with our daughters, and our sons, helps them to make judgments about the media they see and hear. It also helps girls and young women not to feel alone in their distress at these images, and it helps them to feel better about rejecting images of impossibly thin, sexualized women’s bodies as an appropriate goal for themselves. Open, informal discussions between a parent and a child are a good way to start. Hosting a movie night featuring a movie with positive images of women and a movie with negative images of women for a daughter and her friends, with a discussion afterward will help these young women clarify for themselves what parts of the culture they wish to reject in a peer-supported context. A competition to bring in magazine clippings and ads showing examples of “lookism” or women-as-objects, with more appropriate books, music, or certificates as awards for the collections, can give young women an incentive to examine these images objectively. If young women are enabled to see these images through their own eyes, and learn to consciously reject the negative messages, rather than accepting them passively or unconsciously, they can make great strides towards retaining their self-confidence, and recognizing and honoring their inner selves.
In addition, parents and others can talk openly about “lookism” and sexism in the community. Is it necessary for the neighborhood bookstore to carry pornographic magazines? Is it necessary for the local movie theater to feature the most graphic movies showing women as sexual objects, or those glorifying violence against women? Often, a group of concerned community members can talk to business owners and make a positive difference. These efforts also send a powerful signal to daughters that their community cares about them.
3. Celebrating the Onset of Puberty with Positive Ceremonies
Many experts on adolescents and professionals including psychologists, anthropologists, and educators now recognize that our contemporary American society has lost a critical avenue for helping teenagers develop into successful adults, the rites of passage that accompany the onset of puberty in many societies (Venable, 1997). For girls, facing cultural oppression through “lookism” and sexism, it is even more important to experience both the bonding and empowering aspects of these rites occurring in group ceremonies, and the social recognition for them as young, responsible adults that accompany these rites.
Examples of rites of passage in other societies include: Navajo kinaalda ceremonies (observed at menarche), Latina quinceana celebrations (at about age 15 or 16) which are similar to the now almost obsolete debutante ball of the American South, West African age group ceremonies, and many others. Not all of these events are positive in every aspect; however, the girls are recognized as young women and honored for their role in that culture, and unified as a group. The lack in most American societies of any equivalent rites of passage further undercuts girls’ roles beyond elementary school as they bridge into womanhood.
Recently, in a class of adult women of a wide range of ages, from late teen to senior citizen, I asked the women to design the puberty or womanhood ceremony they would like to have had at the age they transitioned into young womanhood, physically and emotionally. The responses were astonishingly diverse, but each one wanted recognition and appreciation from key people in their families and most wanted additional recognition and celebration within peer groups and even the wider social group of their community. All wanted a special occasion with their mothers, such as a lunch date just for the two of them, or an event planned together. Suggestions ranged from a girls’ overnight with some older girls or sisters present to share their experiences of puberty with the younger girls, to an all-out party with community members present for the celebration. Food and music chosen by the girls entering womanhood were also important.
Parents, individually, or with like-minded friends and community members, can create new ceremonies that promote strength and recognition for their young women. The uplifting and affirming nature of appropriate celebrations will help restore some of the self-confidence and happiness that these young women are losing in our society. Collective activism and discussion among girls and their families, and within their communities, will bring introspection and understanding of the difficulties girls face, and in the long run, it is hoped, changes for a society with more justice for girls.
