Boarding Schools for Girls

What your children fight about may have an impact on the relationship, according to a new study from the University of Missouri.

• If the children are fighting over physical and emotional personal space, such as becoming angry when a brother borrows a shirt without asking or when an older sister hangs around the friends of a younger sibling, the siblings will report less trust and communication.
  
• However, if the children are fighting about fairness and equality issues, such as taking turns and sharing chores, their fights had no impact on the quality of their relationship.

"Parents need to establish and enforce family rules about respecting privacy, personal space and property," she said. However, when children fight, parents should usually let them work it out because when parents stepped in, fighting usually escalates.

Professor Nichole Campione-Barr and her associates studied pairs of siblings ages 8 to 20 years old, in a report published in the journal Child Development.

Labels: relationships, siblings, parenting, fighting

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Larry Cohen has been a teacher, principal and school social worker. All of those careers have required him to interact with students, and over the years, he's learned some things that he's now sharing in his book, I'm Still Trying to Figure It All Out Myself.

Cohen and his book were featured in an article by Jennifer Broadwater of the Howard County Times:

In 25 chapters, he outlines the qualities he believes are essential to leading a "healthy, safe, successful, and happy life." ...

"I just feel that kids need to be made aware of the risks. Accidents are really incidents. They can be avoidable," he said. "I don't want to be preachy, but what I hope comes through in the book is that despite all this, hey, life's OK. But we've got choices to make to keep it OK, because your life can change on a dime."

Among Cohen's chapters are those focused on family and parenting, education, open-mindedness, respect and self-respect, responsibility and following through, self-control, attitude, hope and optimism, empathy, laughter, sense of purpose, and a dozen more.

"In the end, it is the choices we make that ultimately shape our lives -- our choices in our attitude, in what we say and do, in how we act and react, in how we behave, and in how we choose to treat ourselves and others," Cohen writes in the book.

Labels: parenting, advocacy

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It has been estimated that we spend 25 years of our lives sleeping. It sounds like a lot, but it's necessary. Getting adequate sleep improves both our physical and mental conditions. Because they are still growing, teenagers need an average of nine hours of sleep each night -- and failing to get enough sleep has been associated with teen depression and thoughts of suicide.

A Jan. 13 Contra Costa Times article by Tom McMahon provided the following suggestions for helping to ensure that your teen is getting enough sleep:

• Reading before bedtime is a good way to transition into sleep.
• Teens sleep better in cool, quiet and dark rooms.
• Encourage your teens to catch up on sleep on the weekends.
• Exercise daily.
• Do not allow any caffeine or sugar after 5 p.m.

"Explain to your teen the benefits of sleeping an hour or two more than usual," McMahon advised. "[When well rested] you become energized and happier, more alert and creative, and you can concentrate better on a project, you accomplish more, you feel better and you will be refreshed and perform more efficiently."

Labels: parenting, sleep, mental health, depression

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In an Oct. 21 article on www.advocateweekly.com, writer Nichole Dupont reports on author Rachel Simmons' view that destructive all or nothing thinking dooms many young girls to feeling like failures when they cant achieve perfection:

"What girls need is a careful balance between self-concept and the mistakes they will inevitably make. That is, a girl's fierce denial suggests a refusal to admit a mistake into her idea of who she is, a slamming and bolting of an internal door," [Simmons] said.

Girls regard their mistakes as problems with themselves, not as opportunities to learn and grow. Therefore, when a girl gets a less-than-stellar grade on an essay, she will, in most cases, immediately jump to the conclusion that the teacher doesn't like her. In the same vein, if a girl makes a bad play on the soccer field, she will assume that her teammates hate her.

These assumptions that girls make about others lead to distorted thinking in which "being nice at all costs (is) the prime directive" of the "Good Girl."

The extremes to which girls go to be perfect, both physically and socially, lead to "all-or-nothing thinking" in which any failure a girl experiences is interpreted as "catastrophic."

Simmons is the author of Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls and The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence.

Labels: parenting, self-esteem, daughters

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Dr. Drew Pinsky is best-known for his shows Strictly Sex with Dr. Drew on Discovery Health and Celebrity Rehab on VH1. Now, hes adding his voice to the important issue of teen pregnancy with an hour-long special on MTV called 16 and Pregnant: Life After Labor.

The show that Dr. Drew will host will serve as the first-season finale of MTV's 16 and Pregnant series, which has been renewed for a second season. Dr. Drew will speak to the new moms about their efforts to deal with the challenges of teen parenthood.

Dr. Drew told MSN that one of the more surprising aspects of his interview with the girls was their honesty. They readily admitted that life as a parent is much, much harder than they expected, and that losing their youth to parenthood was painful, he said.

Labels: pregnancy, parenting

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A rattled mother wrote to an advice column in the Calgary Sunasking for help with her adolescent daughter's question about birth control. The woman's 14-year-old daughter had just asked to be put on the pill because she’d heard it makes "that time of the month" less uncomfortable. The mom was unsure how to respond.

The advice columnist advised the mother that the most important concern isn't the specific topic of the conversation, but the overall quality of the relationship she has with her daughter -- a relationship that can be improved by not over-reacting to what might at first feel like an unsettling question:

The most important thing here is the relationship you have with your daughter. The best thing you can do is first educate yourself, so that as a parent, you help her make decisions based on your knowledge and understanding, while ensuring you are still (somewhat) holding the reins of your not-yet-adult child.

The columnist suggested that daughter and mother visit the family doctor together, where the daughter can ask questions and get more information -- not just about the pill, but about other concerns related to teen sexual activity, such as teens and sexually transmitted diseases.

Labels: parenting, sex, adolescents, contraception

Posted By: Stefanie Hamilton 1 Comment

A study has found a significant link between a father's involvement in his teen's life and teen sexual activity. The five-year study involved surveys of more than 3,000 teens, who rated parental involvement on a five-point scale.

According to an article on the study that appeared in The Joplin (Missouri) Globe, researchers found that for each point of knowledge that dads had [of their child’s friends and activities], teens were seven percent less likely to be sexually active.

Results of the study emphasize the importance of caring for kids, not just providing for them. Many parents are so busy working long, stressful hours to provide for their families that aren't able to spend enough time together.

But being actively engaged in a teenager's life can have more of an impact than most parents realize.

Labels: parenting, teenagers, sex, fathers

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MEI Futures Academy, a residential charter school for teenage mothers in Washington, D.C., has been ordered to close because of chronic truancy, curriculum problems, and questions about the quality of services that were provided for special education students.

The school, which had been in operation for the past two years, provided both boarding and day school services to young mothers (ages 14 to 21), as well as kindergarten and pre-K programs for students' children who were between the ages of three and five.

According to an April 21 article by Bill Turque on the Washington Post's "DC Wire" blog, the D.C. Public Charter School Board claimed that MEI Futures Academy was in "material violation" of its operating agreement:

MEI had struggled to establish an acceptable curriculum, officials said, adding that none of its high school students were on track for a diploma. Last year, not one of the 15 tenth graders who took the DC-CAS standardized test achieved proficiency levels in either reading or math. Enrollment has dwindled to just 31 students from 66 in fall 2007.

Chronic truancy was an especially serious issue. An unannounced audit earlier this year showed that 17 of the 31 students were not there.

Charter schools such as MEI are not the only option for teen mothers who are struggling to complete their education. For example, at Youth Care, Inc., a private therapeutic boarding school in Draper, Utah, students can enroll in a unique teen pregnancy program that features counseling, behavior therapy, academics, and parenting education.

Labels: education, pregnancy, parenting, teenagers, girls

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A survey conducted by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) indicates that "problem parents" are to blame for increased rates of smoking, drinking, and drug use among U.S. teens.

According to an Aug. 14, 2008, release on the CASA website, the organization's 13th annual "National Survey of American Attitudes on Substance Abuse" reveals that parents who are lax in their supervisory responsibilities or who model inappropriate behaviors put their children at greater risk for engaging in unhealthy activities:

Problem parents - those who fail to monitor their children's school night activities, safeguard their prescription drugs, address the problem of drugs in their children's schools, and set good examples - increase the risk that their 12- to 17-year old children will smoke, drink, and use illegal and prescription drugs.

"This year's survey reveals that too many mothers and fathers are problem parents who fail to take essential steps to prevent their kids from smoking, drinking or using drugs. By their actions - and inactions - by failing to become part of the solution, these parents become part of the problem of teen alcohol and drug abuse," said Joseph A. Califano, Jr., CASA's chairman and president and former U.S. Secretary of Health, Education, and Welfare.

"Indeed, these problem parents enable - some even encourage - their 12- to 17-year olds to use and abuse tobacco, alcohol, and illegal and prescription drugs."

The release included the following findings that CASA personnel said were indicative of poor parenting:

• Though 46 percent of 12- to 17-year-olds reported leaving the house on school nights to hang out with friends, only 14 percent of parents said their children did so.
• Thirty-four percent of teens with knowledge of prescription drug abuse said the abusers got the medication from home.
• Twenty-five percent of students who were surveyed said they know another teen whose parent smokes marijuana - and 10 percent said that the parent has smoked marijuana in the presence of teenagers.

"Every mother and father should look in the mirror and ask themselves if they are doing the parenting essential to help their child negotiate the difficult teen years free of tobacco, alcohol, and drugs," Elizabeth Planet, CASA's Director of Special Projects, said in the release.

Labels: parenting, alcohol, drug_use

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A yearlong survey has determined that parents of boys are twice as likely as parents of girls to discuss concerns about their children's behavior and emotional well-being with school personnel and health care professionals.

The survey, which was conducted during the 2005-2006 academic year, was released Sept. 3, 2008, by the National Center for Health Statistics. According to a USA Today article by Marilyn Ellis that was published the same day, experts aren't sure what these results indicate about the state of American families:

Nearly 1 out of 5 boys had parents who discussed such difficulties, and about 1 out of 10 girls, says the report from more than 17,000 parents with children 4 to 17 years old. ...

There's no comparable earlier survey, but some children's mental health experts were surprised at the extent of concern, especially for boys  and divided as to whether it's a good or bad sign.

The high number of parents who confide worries shows "the very, very narrow range of normalcy allowed for children these days," says behavioral pediatrician Lawrence Diller of Walnut Creek Calif., author of The Last Normal Child. "Welcome to the age of anxiety, where more is expected of children academically and in self-discipline, while both parents are working, so there's less support and structure."

Mental health care for children has undergone significant changes in recent years, Ellis reported. Antidepressant prescriptions dropped significantly following a 2004 warning by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, but the presence of mental health experts is increasing in schools and pediatric practices.

Labels: parenting, teachers, doctors

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A research team at the University of Alabama has concluded that early puberty and poor parenting skills can result in increased levels of aggression among adolescent girls.

The UA study, which was published in the journal Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, involved interviews with 330 fifth-grade girls and their parents.

About 80 of the girls who were surveyed were discovered to have matured early, which the researchers defined as beginning to menstruate one year earlier than the average age for their racial and ethnic group. These early maturers were more likely to engage in delinquent behaviors than were the other girls, but they were not more aggressive - unless they also had parents who showed little interest in them.
"Early maturation only predicted physical aggression when combined with low maternal nurturance," wrote the authors of the study, which was led by Dr. Sylvie Mrug.

According to a press release that accompanied the study's publication, the researchers theorize that reduced parental involvement may contribute to increased aggression by forcing the young girls to find other (often less-than-ideal) mentors outside the family.

Early-maturing girls may be at higher risk of aggression or delinquency because they are more likely to be accepted by and form relationships with older boys, who are more likely than younger children to engage in undesirable behaviors, the authors note.

"Parental nurturance may decrease girls' susceptibility to negative peer influence," they write. "Also, parental nurturance may help girls cope with challenges associated with early puberty. By listening to their daughters' difficulties and providing support and encouragement, nurturing parents can help them develop better coping skills and diffuse negative emotions that might otherwise manifest as aggression."

As a result of their findings, the researchers recommend that health care professionals who treat early-maturing girls help ensure that the patients' parents understand the importance of adequate levels of guidance and nurturing.

Labels: parenting, aggression, puberty

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Worried that your daughter is watching too much TV? The solution may be closer than you think.

Children will watch less television if they and their parents agree to limit it, according to a new study published in the journal Pediatrics:

• Dr. Susan Carlson, of the National Center for Chronic Disease Prevention and Health Promotion at the Centers for Disease Control, surveyed 5685 homes.
• The researchers asked parents and their children and television rules and how much time they spent watching it. n.
• About 27 percent of survey recipients watched more than two hours a day, a limit set by the American Academy of Pediatrics.
• This group tended to be male, African-American, and from low income families. 
• Children in the study tended to watch within limits set by their parents.

Experts have noted that excessive time in front of television sets and computer monitors has been associated with a range of problems among children and teens. The good news is that there are a range of effective ways parents can limit their children's screen time.

Labels: parenting, technology, television

Posted By: Jane St. Clair 1 Comment

When an adolescent girl is recovering from an eating disorder, her relationship with her mother can be more of a deterrent than a motivator. Mother-daughter relationships are complicated, and unrealistic expectations – by both parties – can hinder a child’s recovery.

A clinical lecturer at Northwestern University, where she is affiliated with both the Family Institute and the Department of Psychology, Weigel Foy endorses an introspective look at this unique relationship and believes temporary distance from family members allows many adolescent and teenage girls to feel safe exploring the mother-daughter relationship in ways they haven’t been able to during prior treatment for anorexia or bulimia. [Source: Melodika]

A residential treatment center can give a teen that much-needed distance and time to take an honest look at her relationships, uncovering negative behaviors and patterns.

 

Labels: relationships, parenting, mothers, eating disorders

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An Aug. 2 post on the Eating Disorders Help Guide blog addresses the very real risk that poor self-image can lead teen girls into dangerous behaviors in the name of regulating their weight:

A girl who’s convinced that she’s “fat” even though she’s not will continue trying to lose weight, even when she’s too thin. And, to the best of her ability, she’s going to hide her weight loss from her parents and other loved ones, so she can keep losing.

If you suspect that your daughter may have an eating disorder, contact your family physician or another qualified healthcare provider immediately. Eating disorders are complex conditions that can wreak considerable devastation if left untreated.
 

Labels: parenting, eating disorders

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The social networking site Facebook boasts more 500 million active users. The users vary widely in age, but teenagers have staked their claim. For parents, the Facebook dilemma centers around whether or not they should “friend” their kids.

“The friending issue is a delicate balancing act between children thriving for more independence and their parents’ desire to see what is going on to make sure their children are safe. In nearly half of all cases, children said they would prefer to be friends with their parents privately on the web without their parents having the ability to post comments.” [Source: Reuters]

A recent Nielsen survey asked 1,024 parents and 500 teens about parental friending. Surprisingly, 70 percent of teens said they’re friends with their parents on Facebook. Though friending is a good way to keep track of your child’s online activity, it isn’t the only way. Keep a family computer in a common area of the house, rather than letting your child have one in her room. And ask her to occasionally let you see her Facebook page and friends list.
 

Labels: parenting, communication, internet, social networking

Posted By: Stefanie Hamilton 1 Comment

Teenage girls are harder to raise than teenage boys, according to a new British survey of 3,000 parents.

• Three-fourths of the parents in this study say they have more arguments with their daughters, with one-third blaming mood swings, and 27% saying girls were rude, and 12% reporting that girls were aggressive.
• Three-fourths of the parents also believe that girls are more likely to argue with their friends than boys.
• Parents reported that girls are more concerned about their physical appearances, especially their weight and their skin.
• However, 80% of parents believe that both boys and girls are under more pressure to look good today than they were when they were teenagers themselves.

Thirty percent of parents said their teenagers' behaviors "wore them out," and 60% had quarreled with their partners and spouses over their adolescents' problems.

"Females in their teenage years are more prone to mood swings that males, mainly due to the hormonal changes their bodies are experiencing," said Dr. Chris Bundy, a lecturer in health and medical psychology at the University of Manchester. "Both boys' and girls' behavior swings between being more childlike one day and adult the next, and they get confused."

The study was done by the Simple Spotless Skin foundation.
 

Labels: parenting, boys, girls

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As adolescents enter high school, they’re thinking about classes, Friday night football games, and the cute boy (or girl) in study hall. Teachers, guidance counselors and parents – however – are thinking about college. It’s a decision most kids aren’t ready to make yet, but parents can help.

“There are many things parents can do to help teens prepare for making this decision such as helping them to organize thoughts and goals about what they would like to do as far as a career. Parents can help them to write down accomplishments they have achieved during the middle school years and high school years so that they can see a pattern of activities and interests that can help them to make future career decisions.” - Source: Associated Content

Helping your teen make decisions about college requires some balance, too. You can make all the lists and get all the college brochures you want, but some kids just don’t yet know what they want to do. And that’s ok. Keep an open dialogue, and an open mind. Let your teen make the decision at his own pace.

 

Labels: colleges, parenting

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Parents of troubled teens don’t always know where to turn. Teresa was one of those parents. Her teenager was defiant, and starting to get into troubled. She attended a Parent Project seminar, and it helped turn things around for her and her child.

“Step by step, parents are given tools for how to listen without arguing and how to make teenagers accountable for their own choices. They are given weekly “home practice” assignments, then at the next class parents may share how well the strategies worked with their teens.” - Source: Pleasant (CA) Weekly

The Parent Project was started twenty years ago in Ontario, California and is offered at multiple locations across the country. Additional information is available at ParentProject.com.

Labels: parenting

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