Boarding Schools for Girls

In an Oct. 21 article on www.advocateweekly.com, writer Nichole Dupont reports on author Rachel Simmons' view that destructive all or nothing thinking dooms many young girls to feeling like failures when they cant achieve perfection:

"What girls need is a careful balance between self-concept and the mistakes they will inevitably make. That is, a girl's fierce denial suggests a refusal to admit a mistake into her idea of who she is, a slamming and bolting of an internal door," [Simmons] said.

Girls regard their mistakes as problems with themselves, not as opportunities to learn and grow. Therefore, when a girl gets a less-than-stellar grade on an essay, she will, in most cases, immediately jump to the conclusion that the teacher doesn't like her. In the same vein, if a girl makes a bad play on the soccer field, she will assume that her teammates hate her.

These assumptions that girls make about others lead to distorted thinking in which "being nice at all costs (is) the prime directive" of the "Good Girl."

The extremes to which girls go to be perfect, both physically and socially, lead to "all-or-nothing thinking" in which any failure a girl experiences is interpreted as "catastrophic."

Simmons is the author of Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls and The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence.

Labels: parenting, self-esteem, daughters

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Licensed psychotherapist Mark Rutherford's experience as a relationship counselor has given him the years of experience needed to offer guidance and advice to frustrated parents.

One parent recently asked him what to do when her teenage daughter starts pushing back on rules such as curfew and cell phone use.

Heres what we know: [Teenagers] will always try to 'test' you, pushing your boundaries to see how much they can get away with.

How much you let them get away with will dictate how hard they push the next time. Your best bet is to remain firm on what is okay and what is not okay in your family. -- Source: Palm Beach (FL) Post

Dr. Rutherford goes on to remind parents that our first priority is to take care of our kids, not be their friends. Some decisions will make children angry, but a temporarily angry child is better than a permanently damaged relationship.

Labels: daughters, defiance, disobedience

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